The Annoying Monkey

    A monkey walks into a baker's one afternoon. "How can I help you?" the baker asks, trying not to show his surprise at a monkey having just walked in. "Got any bananas?" the monkey asks. "No," says the baker, and the monkey leaves.


    Same time the next day, the monkey walks in again. "How can I help you?" asks the baker. "Got any bananas?" asks the monkey. "No," says the baker. "We don't. We're a baker's. We sell bread, not bananas." "Oh," says the monkey, and he leaves.

    Same time the next day, the monkey walks into the baker's. "How can I help you?" asks the baker. "Got any bananas?" asks the monkey. "Now, LOOK HERE!" says the baker, getting angry. "WE ARE A BAKER! WE DON'T SELL BANANAS! AND," the baker continues, "IF YOU COME IN HERE ASKING FOR BANANAS AGAIN, I SHALL NAIL YOUR TAIL TO THE FLOOR!" "Oh," says the monkey, and he leaves.

    The same time the next day, the monkey reenters the bakery. "HOW MAY I HELP YOU?" roars the baker. "Got any nails?" asks the monkey. "WHAT!? OF COURSE WE DON'T HAVE ANY NAILS!" replies the baker. "WE'RE A BAKERY! WE HAVE BREAD! WE DON'T HAVE NAILS!" "Ah," says the monkey. "Got any bananas?"

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Ancient Technology

    After digging to a depth of 100 metres, Russian scientists discovered traces of copper wiring 1000 years old, and concluded their ancestors had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

    Not to be outdone, the Americans dug down 200 metres and found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, concluding their ancestors already had hi-tech telephone systems in operation 1000 years earlier than the Russians.

    A week later, a 500m dig in China uncovered absolutely nothing. From this, the Chinese concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already onto mobile phones.

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Anger and Exasperation

    A little girl who was working on her assignment came to her dad and asked, "Daddy, what's the difference between anger and exasperation?" The father replied subtly, "Well, it's mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you."

    He took his phone and dialed a random line, putting it on loud speaker so that his inquisitive daughter could actually listen and learn. A masculine voice was heard at the other end. "Hello," said the father. "Is John there?" "No," came the reply. "No-one called John resides here, and can't you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?" The man hung up.

    "See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now," he went on, "Watch now."
    He picked up the phone and dialed the same number again. "Hello, is John there?" he asked. "Now look here!" came the reply. "You just called this number and I told you no one called John lives here. Well, let me tell you something. NO-ONE CALLED JOHN LIVES HERE!" And with that, the receiver slammed down hard. 
The father turned to his daughter and said, "See, that was anger. Now I'll show you exasperation."

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The Special Horse

    A man who had been lost in the desert for weeks found his way to the home of a missionary, and collapsed on the doorstep. The missionary nursed him back to life, and when the man was recovered, he asked the missionary for directions to the nearest town.
    The missionary said, "Sure," and gave him the directions. "Also," he said, "you can borrow my horse. There's two things though - it's a rather weird horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to get it to start, and 'Amen' to make it stop."
    All right, thought the man, and as he mounted the horse said, "Thank God," and the horse began to move off. Feeling confident, he said, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse broke into a trot.