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Tuesday, 18 December 2012
Top 45 Oxymorons
Here you will find the top 45 oxymorons.
An oxymoron is a combination of two words that are completely opposite in meaning. In the dictionary you'll find: "A rhetorical figure in which incongruous or contradictory terms are combined, as in a deafening silence and a mournful optimist."
You've probably heard many of these before but didn't realize that they fall within this category.
45. Act naturally
44. Found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Airline Food
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt head
26. Military intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Child Proof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
...And the number 1 oxymoron is..
1. Wrong Works
An oxymoron is a combination of two words that are completely opposite in meaning. In the dictionary you'll find: "A rhetorical figure in which incongruous or contradictory terms are combined, as in a deafening silence and a mournful optimist."
You've probably heard many of these before but didn't realize that they fall within this category.
45. Act naturally
44. Found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Airline Food
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt head
26. Military intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Child Proof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
...And the number 1 oxymoron is..
1. Wrong Works
Monday, 17 December 2012
Interesting but Useless Facts
1. Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
2. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
3. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
4. Every time you lick a stamp, you consume 1/10 of a calorie.
5. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
6. Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.
7. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
8. The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; '7' was selected after the original 7-ounce containers and 'UP' for the direction of the bubbles.
9. 101 Dalmatians, Peter Pan, Lady and the Tramp, and Mulan are the only Disney cartoons where both parents are present and don't die throughout the movie. .
10. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
11. 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
12. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs - it will let you go instantly.
13. Reindeer like to eat bananas.
14. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver and purple.
15. The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."
16. Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
17. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
18. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II Killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
19. More people are killed annually by donkeys than airplane crashes.
20. A 'jiffy' is a unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
2. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
3. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
4. Every time you lick a stamp, you consume 1/10 of a calorie.
5. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
6. Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.
7. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
8. The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; '7' was selected after the original 7-ounce containers and 'UP' for the direction of the bubbles.
9. 101 Dalmatians, Peter Pan, Lady and the Tramp, and Mulan are the only Disney cartoons where both parents are present and don't die throughout the movie. .
10. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
11. 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
12. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs - it will let you go instantly.
13. Reindeer like to eat bananas.
14. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver and purple.
15. The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."
16. Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
17. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
18. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II Killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
19. More people are killed annually by donkeys than airplane crashes.
20. A 'jiffy' is a unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
Volvo Driver
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his carphone.
"Honey", she says in a worried voice, "Be careful! There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway".
"It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"
No Need For Viagra
An older man goes to the Doctor in desire of a prescription for Viagra. The Doctor looks over the man, and says, "Viagra can be very dangerous and we do not just dispense it indiscriminately. Please bring your wife to my office next week and we'll discuss this in more detail.
So the following week he shows up with his wife. The Doctor asks to see the wife by herself for a few moments and she follows him back to the examining room. The doctor asks her to disrobe and she does. He then asks her to turn around in 360 degrees a few times then instructs her to get up on the examining table and to turn in various positions. He then tells her she can get dressed and goes out to meet the Male Patient. "Sir," The Doctor Says, "There is nothing wrong with you, I couldn't get an erection either.
Sunday, 16 December 2012
What Not to Say to the Police
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. Hey wait a second...I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. Hey wait a second...I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
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