Don't Be Deceived

Before and After Marriage

Before Marriage - - -

Boyfriend: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

Girlfriend: Do you want me to leave?

Boyfriend: NO! Don't even think about it.

Girlfriend: Do you love me?

Boyfriend: Of course! Over and over!

Girlfriend: Have you ever cheated on me?

Boyfriend: NO! Why are you even asking?

Girlfriend: Will you kiss me?

Boyfriend: Every chance I get!

Girlfriend: Will you hit me?

Boyfriend: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

No More Facebook

A Divorce Letter Wrongly Timed

From a husband to his wife:




Dear Wife,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching TV. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

-Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to Thailand together. We will have a great life!

CLICK  HERE TO READ THE WIFE'S REPLY...

Customer Vs Waiter...

Customer :Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter :Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Customer:Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter:Can't you tell the difference by taste?

Customer:No, I can't.
Waiter:Then does it really matter?
...
Customer:Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

Customer:Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

Expectation Against Reality

Two Types Of Phone Conversations

TELEPHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN LADIES



Mary: Hello Love!
Sarah: Hello babes-how are you today?
Mary: Am fine dear, I've missed u a lot.

Sarah: And me too
Mary: I am calling just to inform you that I will pay you a visit this afternoon.

Sarah: Okay my dear; it will be a great pleasure to have you. I will be expecting you sweet.

*AFTER DROPPING THE CALL
Mary: I'm going to visit that dirty girl again.

Sarah: This witch is coming here again, she thinks I will buy her drinks with my money again, she must be joking.

TELEPHONE CONVERSATION BETWEEN BOYS
John: Bastard how far?

Francis: Mad man I'm good? How your drunkard father?

Literal Expansion

The Meaning Of Panda

A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it. After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.

The owner of the restaurant says, “Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, y...ou kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don’t understand.”

The panda says, “Look it up in the dictionary,” and walks out of the door.

So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading “Panda”. It reads:

“Panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves.”

Image courtesy:cartoondollemporium
text courtesy:.jokesduniya

Blind Beggar

 

Husband : Why did you give so much money to the beggar who was pretending to be blind?

Wife : Didn't you hear his good words to me?

Husband : No, what did he say?

... Wife : He said that I was so kind, so pretty and so young.

Husband : Oh, I see. He's really blind.

Dispenser Of Life