WittyCracks: 01/30/13

Wednesday 30 January 2013

An 85 year old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count. The geezer's given a jar and told to bring back a sample. The next day he returns to the doctor with an empty jar.

"What happened?" says the doctor.

"Well," the old man starts, "I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left -- nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called Evelyn, the lady next door, but still nothing."

The doctor bursts out, "You asked your neighbor?" "Yep, No matter what we tried we couldn't get that damn jar open."

A Friend Indeed

Over-Speeding

A driver is pulled over by a police man.

Man: Is there a problem Officer?
Officer: Sir, you were speeding.
Man: Oh I see.
Officer: Can I see your licence please?
Man: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?

Funny Tips For Ladies

Perhaps you're trying to frustrate or annoy a guy in a conversation, you can try any of these tips. However, be careful about the use as you could get smacked

HE :Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.