Not Adopted

Call Me Later

Well Played Horse

Witty Duck

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

Vegetarian

Witty Parrot

A guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings.

"Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.

"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.

"I fall off my perch you fool!!" screeches the parrot.

Witty Politician

A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper and sharp mouth, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.

After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

NYSC Goat.

Real, Weird and Funny: 14 Sensational Facts

1.Sometimes we look down at our watches 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is...
2.Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3.We totally take back all those times we didn’t want to nap when we were younger.
4.There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5.Was learning cursive really necessary?
6.Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
7.We can’t remember the last time we weren’t at least kind-of tired.
8.Bad decisions make good stories.
9.You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.(CLICK HERE TO READ MORE)

Show Me

Things To Keep In Mind When Flying An Airplane

Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.

If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller(unless you keep pulling the stick back -then they get bigger again)

Flying is not dangerous-crashing is dangerous.

It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.

The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop and then watch the pilot break out into a sweat. (CLICK HERE TO READ MORE)