Silly Things People Said In Court

Q: What is your date of birth?
 A: July fifteenth.
 Q: What year?
 A: Every year.

 Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
 A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

 Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
 A: Yes.
 Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
 A: I forget.
 Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

 Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
 A: Oral. (CLICK HERE TO READ MORE)

Follow Your Dreams

Siblings

Everybody Knows Bubba

    Bubba was bragging to his boss one day. "I," he said, "know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know 'em." "Yeah, right," replied his boss, dubious. "No, no," responded Bubba, adamant, "Name someone."
    "OK," said his boss. "Tom Cruise." "Sure," replies Bubba. "Tom and I are old friends, we've known each other for years." "Prove it," answers his boss. So they fly out to Hollywood, knock on Tom Cruise's door and, sure enough, Tom Cruise opens the door and says: "Hey Bubba, great to see you! You and your friend, come in, join me for lunch!"

    Although rather full after lunch, Bubba's boss is still sceptical. "Your knowing Tom Cruise," he says to Bubba afterwards, "was just lucky." "Fine, then," retorts Bubba. "Name someone else."

    "Fine, then," says the boss. "Barack Obama." "Sure," goes Bubba, "me and Barack go way back." "Prove it," says his boss. So they fly out to Washington and knock on the White House door and when Barack Obama opens it he says, "Bubba, great to see you.

Fashion Revolution

The Penguins

    A man riding on the highway with six penguins in the boot of his car was asked to stop by the cops. "What," asks the officer, "are you doing driving down the freeway with four penguins in the back of your car?" "Just taking 'them for a ride, Officer," the man replies. "Take them to the zoo," says the officer, looking quite upset.

    The next day, the same officer is going down the same freeway when he sees a man with six penguins in the back of his car, only this time the penguins are wearing colourful swim trunks and sunnies.

    Pulling the man over, he realises it's the same man and that the penguins are the same penguins. "Look here," says the officer. "I thought I told you to take them penguins to the zoo!" "I did," replies the man, "and they liked that so much I thought, today, I'd take them to the beach!"

From 2 Pounds to 10 Pounds

Hearing Aid

PLEASE NOTE: There's great humour embedded in the conversation below but you won't get the joke if you're not smart. Enjoy!
    
John: I got this great new hearing aid the other day.

Mary: Are you wearing it now?

John: Yeah, it's amazing, cost me six thousand dollars, but it's top of the range.
    
Mary: What kind is it?
    
John: Twelve-thirty.

Camouflage

Way Much Faster

The Annoying Monkey

    A monkey walks into a baker's one afternoon. "How can I help you?" the baker asks, trying not to show his surprise at a monkey having just walked in. "Got any bananas?" the monkey asks. "No," says the baker, and the monkey leaves.


    Same time the next day, the monkey walks in again. "How can I help you?" asks the baker. "Got any bananas?" asks the monkey. "No," says the baker. "We don't. We're a baker's. We sell bread, not bananas." "Oh," says the monkey, and he leaves.

    Same time the next day, the monkey walks into the baker's. "How can I help you?" asks the baker. "Got any bananas?" asks the monkey. "Now, LOOK HERE!" says the baker, getting angry. "WE ARE A BAKER! WE DON'T SELL BANANAS! AND," the baker continues, "IF YOU COME IN HERE ASKING FOR BANANAS AGAIN, I SHALL NAIL YOUR TAIL TO THE FLOOR!" "Oh," says the monkey, and he leaves.

    The same time the next day, the monkey reenters the bakery. "HOW MAY I HELP YOU?" roars the baker. "Got any nails?" asks the monkey. "WHAT!? OF COURSE WE DON'T HAVE ANY NAILS!" replies the baker. "WE'RE A BAKERY! WE HAVE BREAD! WE DON'T HAVE NAILS!" "Ah," says the monkey. "Got any bananas?"